I have several really big writing and editing projects going on right now, all very time-intensive and with looming deadlines. They had all started out smaller and with staggered deadlines, but as is the nature of work for Large Institutions, the scale and the deadlines gradually morphed and meshed, like the grinding gears of some sort of freakish mechanical walking clockwork thunder-beast from hell whose gigantic gears can only be lubricated by the insertion of fresh freelancer-meat in between their cold, cold teeth.

So naturally I have been dreading the imminent arrival of The E-Mail, the one from my favorite editor, letting me know that “It’s That Time Again!” — time to get started on my next article for her bimonthly magazine, which I do enjoy writing but which I just couldn’t possibly fit into my schedule short of a wormhole opening up and depositing an extra dimension into our universe into which I could force it like some sort of cosmic overhead compartment.

And so, Fate being what it is, the e-mail arrived this morning. I shuddered when it arrived with a cheery ding! “Sorry I’m late getting this to you,” it began. Oh no, I thought. That means the deadline will be even sooner! My mood sank deeper as I scrolled through what felt like three acres of names of people to interview. My heart began to gallub irregularly at the sight of the word count. The deadline, I quailed silently as I reached the end of the e-mail, by now reading with only one eye barely open. Dear Gawd, shall I just kill myself now?

“Would November 24 be OK? That way you’ll be done before Thanksgiving!”

Suddenly, the clouds gave way to a rainbow, a phalanx of angels burst forth in hallelujahs, and a Monty Python-esque “16 Ton” weight was lifted off my shoulders. Son of a snitch that was a close-run thing.

To be safe, I’m changing my e-mail address so she can’t write me back and say “November? Did I say November? I meant September.”

Bless, you J_____ B_____, you are the best of editors.

Categorised as: Life the Universe and Everything

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